Neo-Sage Nickel

Is it OK to cheat on your wife? When did you do it?

It seems like every month we hear about a “scandal” regarding some public figure having an affair or sleeping with prostitutes (male or female). Then they have to make the mandatory public apology, somehow invoke God and ask us to give them privacy and to forgive them.  Then they “fall on their sword” and resign.  If they don’t resign, the public outcry is deafening and their ability to function is severely impeded.  But the only reason why we are upset is because they did it NOW and we found out NOW! 

 

Think about how many of our GREAT men have cheated on their wives or slept with prostitutes!  We know that Thomas Jefferson was an adulterer with slaves, Benjamin Franklin was a notorious patron of prostitutes, Andrew Jackson was a bigamist, Eisenhower slept with his secretary, Kennedy slept with who knows who and it’s rumored that Martin Luther King Jr, cheated too.  So, why aren’t these men considered pitiful and sorry excuses for men? 

 

Because we, the public, found out about these events after the men had done their good deeds.  Now it’s sort of OK.  Think what would have happened if these men had existed in a society like today (with the Internet and 24 hour news channels) and the public found out.  None of their deeds would have come to pass. Because they would have done the public apology for being human and then resign.  Think about it for a moment…there would have been NO:

 

French Alliance in 1776 (Benjamin)

Successful D-Day landing or coordination of Allies against Hitler (Ike)

“Ask not what your country can do for you, but for what you can so for your country!” (JFK)

 

“I Have a Dream!” (King), etc…

 

But today, with the Internet and 24 hour news channels, we find out right away and throw away our public leaders regardless of their actual talent or our possible future benefit.  And the biggest issue:  If they did it BEFORE their public life, it’s OK!!  No judgment gets passed.

 

Yes, that’s right.  Just be sure to be a “bad boy” before you enter the public eye and you are fine.  Be on your second wife, after cheating on your first (Newt Gingrich, John McCann, Dr. Phil, et al.) and it’s OK. Not only is it OK but, you can be a hypocrite and even criticize those who do cheat on their wives!  But, get caught now (Mark Sanford, John Edwards, et al.) and you are evil!  New York Governor Elliot Spitzer had to step down for cheating, but the current Governor Patterson openly admits that he cheated on his wife and did drugs, but it was a while ago!  So, it’s all good and NY losses Spitzer for Patterson!  Maybe Spitzer could have served us better than Patterson.  Maybe Mark Sanford would have been a great South Carolina Governor.  We’ll never know.

Does this make any sense?  Actually, YES!  It makes complete sense.  It’s called the law Contrast!  We are hard-wired to see things differently through the prism of time. 

 

As time passes, everything (memory, emotions, connections, etc…) is diluted and dulled. It is natural healing.  The saying “Time heals all wounds.” comes from this concept.  This is usually a very good thing.  It allows us to heal from almost anything.  But the bi-product of this is that even the bad things that people do are diluted and dulled.  So, yes!  It is OK to cheat on your wife, as long as it was awhile ago and after we’ve seen you do better.

 

But why does this matter to you?  Because this affects your daily life!  How?  Here are examples:

 

Personal: 

 

1 - You ask someone for a favor and then, they “hem and haw” and complain.  You are upset, because you helped them out in the past.  But what you’ve failed to take into account is that your good deed was years ago and now the value of that deed has been diluted in their minds.  They may not be selfish, they may just be human. 

 

So, to mitigate this affect, you must FIRST talk about the time that you helped them and talk about it in vivid detail, almost re-living it.  The better you paint a picture of that time, the more the event will be re-lived and more power it will have in persuading your friend to act accordingly.

 

2 - The reverse is also true.  When you’ve done something bad – NEVER bring it up again, ever!  Let time dilute the impact of your action.  This will give you the better relationships.

 

Business:

 

1 - You want a referral from you customer.  You need to ask right after you’ve provided some value for your client.  Ask right after your product or service has given them a benefit or right after you’ve done a personal favor.  This means that your deed is at its most powerful in their minds and increases the chances that you’ll get a favor. 

 

If you’ve waited too long, just ask them about the last benefit that they’ve received from you, and ask THEM TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT!  This will make it vivid in their minds.  Then immediately ask for a referral.

 

2 – The reverse here is also true.  If you have failed your client (once you’ve made it right) – NEVER bring it up again.  Only talk about the successes.   This will give you the better relationships. 

 

Good luck!

 

 

Larry

 

The Three Secrets to Success. Not what you think?

The Three Secrets to Success. Not what you think!

 

Obviously, if you want to be successful, you've got to do what you love, be the best and work hard, right?  NOT AT ALL.  That's what so many "gurus" will tell you, but they are wrong.  Others will tell you that it's all about passion - also false.

 

How are these false?  Evidence!  Look at each of these guru claims:

 

Do what you love.  Don't you know people who do what they love and can't seem to make any real money?  Sure!  There are lots of people who love what they do, but need to leave it because they can't pay their bills.  This is simply not the answer.  Of course, it is great if you can do what you love, but it in NO way sets you up for success.   

 

Be the best.  Don't you know of MANY products or services that are just mediocre (at best) and make a fortune?  Don't you know of MANY products or services that are amazing, but can't make any money and maybe even go out of business. Again, simply not true.  Being the best definitely helps, but it does not set you up for success.

 

Work hard.  Don't you know MANY people who work really hard, but never get ahead?  They don't make enough money, they don't get promoted, they don't get recognition and they usually aren't even happy.  Hard work helps, it also ensures that you'll have less time for family and friends, but does not set you up for success.

 

Be passionate.  Don't you know people who are passionate about something, but never get the recognition or financial compensation for their efforts?  Being passionate may help you stay the course when doubt creeps in, but that may just make you stay in a bad positions longer than you should!  It does not set you up for success.

 

In fact, in the current environment, many people who are following the above concepts are actually losing their jobs and closing their businesses.  No success there.

 

So why do so many people say that these are the rules for success?  They don't know any better.  When you ask the people who are successful why they are that way, they say that they work hard, are passionate, always try to be the best and do what they love.  That's great, but it's not why they are successful!  They also have two lungs and breath air,  That doesn't mean that if you have two lungs and breath air that you'll be successful. 

 

The millions who have failed don't write books!  If you asked these people how they went about their businesses/careers, they will tell you that they worked really hard, were passionate, did what they loved and tried to be the best - AND THEY FAILED!   Does that mean that the successful people don't know why they are successful?  YES!  Most have no idea.  That's why most of their books are either inspirational or useless.  It is very rare to find one that actually tells you real secrets.  Well, this post will tell you the requirements for success!

 

1 - Be good at what you do.  NOT the best, it's not required.  If you are the best it will help, but you MUST NOT spend ALL of your time on being the best.  You will still get fired!  You will still lose customers!  Your odds of success will go down if you do not spend your time on other endeavors. Get good, slowly improve and move on to other aspects.  That sets you up for success.

 

2 - Change your peer group. This is very hard to do!  Get yourself around the people who you need to be successful.  Whether that's new types of customers, managers, business leaders, politicians, bankers, thinkers or even friends.  Get into new and more powerful circles.  Like it or not, relationships matter.  The old adage of "It's not what you know, but who you know." is semi true.  A more accurate axiom is "It's not who you know, but who knows you."  Who will take your phone call?  That is critical!  Having a valuable "rolodex" sets you up for success.

 

3 - Have a business/career model that is open to positive strokes of luck.  This may seem odd, but LUCK is the one aspect almost never touched on when it comes to success.  Luck is ALWAYS (NO EXCEPTION) a part of success.  It's sometimes (rarely) a large part, like winning the lottery: but mostly it's a small part, like being at the right place at the right time. Whether big or small, without it, there is NO success.  So, set yourself up to receive positive strokes of it.  You need to physically be around people who can help you get ahead.  Market yourself in arenas that may have opportunities for you.  Take stances on issues that people who need you may see.  Be part of organizations that garner respect.  Comment in a way that encourages responses from the right people.  Be ready to step up when the time comes (do NOT be so committed or so worried that you can't act).  Have the resources to make a big step.  This sets you up for success.

 

If you look at what actually happened to most successful people, this is the formula.

 

Remember that most people fail.  If you follow the advice of most people, the odds of your success are low and you'll probably be a statistic.  Follow NOT what they say, instead follow what actually got them success and your odds will go up.

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

 

Republican Tea Parties are a good idea! Or are they?

Republican Tea Parties are a good idea! Or are they?

 

Since last year’s election, the Republican Party has been in disarray.  So, how can they get back together?  Rally around an idea or cause!  Sure!  How about taxes?  Sounds good, and let’s make it Patriotic. 

 

The reality is that these Teas Parties look good to Republicans and they are backed by many Republican celebrities.  The base is rallied and the people are moving.  They are getting press and are acting in unison and it looks like a real grassroots movement. 

 

The truth is that it’s a disaster for them!  It is misguided, a waste of time and resources, and is moving the party backwards.   Why?  “We’re mad and we’re not gonna take it anymore” is a negative message.  The people look angry and they look like oddballs.  This is actually hurting the image of the movement.  This will only rally the base and NO one else.  If it only rallies the base then it’s no good!

 

In addition, anger rarely attracts people!  So, those who have moved to the Obama camp are unlikely to come back.   Any people, who are on the fence, will not be attracted to the negative message either.  Also, once the base is riled up they will naturally begin to spew more negative vitriol and continue to alienate the deserters and fence-sitters.

 

How have the Republicans engineered comebacks in the past 30 years?  Only one way - with positive messages!  When Reagan took office, it was “Morning in America”.  When Newt Gingrich and his crew took over the Congress they had a “Contract with America.”  Even when the last Bush took over the White House he was a “Compassionate Conservative” and a “Uniter, not a Divider.”  These positive messages draw people in.  These can bring back deserters or fence-sitters as it did in all the above situations.

 

Shame on the Republican leadership (to include the pundits who make their living supporting them) for letting this negative message out just to gain more personal visibility and to solidify their personal supporters for their pet projects and media programs, at the expense of the party.  Without question, all the “Hosts” of the Tea Parties will do well from the publicity, but the movement will go nowhere.  Republicans should be worried.  Democrats should encourage the “tea-baggers” to keep it up.

 

So, why does this matter in your everyday life?  Because when you are around people that you want to rally, you may think that a common enemy is all you need.   While a common enemy is a good idea, you MUST add a positive message with it if you want to draw others in.  This applies to business and personal life.

 

Sales Event:

            “Look, your competition is beating you up in the market!  Aren’t you tired of losing to them?  Let’s get ‘em.” - Fair

            “Look, your competition is beating you up in the market!  Aren’t you tired of losing to them?  Let’s set up a program that will make you number one and then everyone will be looking at you as the industry leader.”  - Much better

 

 

Office Politics:

            “This new lunch policy is terrible.  This is just another way that ‘the man’ is taking away our time.  Don’t you think we should let him know that he needs to make some changes?” – Mediocre at best

            “This new lunch policy is terrible.  This is just another way that ‘the man’ is taking away our time.  Don’t you think we should let him know that this de-motivates us and that with a different policy we would be both happier and more productive?”  - Better

 

In each case, starting with creating a common enemy is an effective way to get your target’s attention and maybe even establish a bit of commonality and rapport.  But if you follow this with a negative message, you run the risk of NO ACTION or even isolation.  Therein lays the problem.  To be effective you must inspire action.  Positive messages are FAR more likely to inspire action, especially if you want a large group of people to act.  This is particularly true if you want them to maintain continued support during a long and/or arduous time.  

 

Just keep in mind, that starting with a negative, “Let’s get them - common enemy” idea is often effective, BUT YOU MUST immediately follow with a positive “Look what good we can do” message if you want anyone to truly “Stand” for something.

 

The Tea Party people aren’t standing for anything.  Therefore, no one who isn’t already in their club will join them and accordingly, soon the Tea Partiers themselves will sit back down too.

 

Bottom-line: Don’t let your team sit down.  Give them something positive to stand for.

 

 

Good luck!

 

 

Larry

Anger Never helps! Oh, yes it does!

With so many people being laid off and so much business at a standstill, lots of people are feeling terrible.  A friend recently joked, “Break even is the new profit!”  Sounds like we are all in trouble and just at the mercy of the market!   While we can’t control the market, we can control how we react. When our lives get tough, we have a few ways of reacting…

 

1 - We can be optimistic, which is the best, but VERY hard when things are so bad.  Hence, this is the least common.  The lack of consumer confidence is a great statistic to validate this.   Some people will actually be annoyed if we are optimistic, because they would rather us wallow in misery with them.  How can we become optimistic? 

 

The first thing to do is gain control of WHATEVER you can in your life.  As author Robert Greene says, “When we feel helpless we feel miserable.”   So, do not feel helpless…control your eating habits, your dressing habits, your social circle, control anything! 

 

The second thing to do is plan.  ANY plan is better than no plan.  In fact, a terrible plan is better than no plan when it comes to feeling in control.   Just sit down and make plans.  Of course, try to make good ones.  Get help only from positive people who either already have plans or are itching to make some.

 

The third thing to do is gain understanding of realistic outcomes, even if they are bad.  You will feel more in control if you can see bankruptcy and plan your way through the mess instead of just thinking the world going to end and believing that nothing you do will allay the damages.  Your imagined damage will usually be far worse.

 

Even though becoming optimistic is obviously the best option, there are problems with this:  It’s hard to follow through with the above steps, it’s hard to face reality, we may have to find fault in ourselves, and many people around us are not supportive.   Therefore, most people will go for option two: Self-pity.

 

2 – We can pity ourselves.  Self pity is really EASY.  We can shift blame onto some one or some thing else.  Great!  We have no responsibility.  Most people will go along with our throwing of blame around, because it’s easy for them too.  We can have large “pity parties” and “commiserate”.  Awesome!

 

The problem here of course is you will avoid responsibility and eventually your world will come crashing down around you: financially, physically and mentally.  As silly as this option sounds, many people will simply let this happen.  The huge amounts of foreclosures without any attempts to reconcile or negotiate are great stats to validate this.  They just closed their eyes to reality because it was so hard to view. 

 

Most people think these are the only options.  Nope!  There is a third.   If you have trouble staying optimistic, if you can’t seem to gain control, if your plans seem to be erratic, if you have so many around you who are not positive, GET ANGRY!   

 

3 - Yes, we can get angry.  As Emperor Palpatine, from the Star Wars movies said, “Give in to your anger; it gives you focus.”  It sure does!  You can still shift blame onto someone or something, but now be pissed.   Instead of poor me, now it’s damn that… (economy, boss, client, prospect, company, government, etc...)  

 

Now you can focus on getting back at whichever enemy you’ve blamed.  You can focus on getting an even better job, finding another client, surviving this downturn and starting a stronger company.  You’ll show that son of a #$%@ who you really are.  This yearning for validation and/or revenge can actually focus you enough to start planning.   That means you may even set goals and picture positive outcomes (the showing up of your enemies).  Hence you can gain control and actually shift into optimism.  Or at a minimum, you have a much better chance of getting out of your negative circumstances, when compared to self pity.

 

Is the moral here, to get angry?  NO.  It’s that ANYTHING, even anger, is better than self pity. Self pity is the killer and must be avoided at all costs.  Dreaming of punishing imaginary enemies is better than wallowing in a delusional world of “if only things were better.” 

 

Not only must you not fall into self pity, you must stay away from others who are in self pity mode.  Again, it’s best to be around optimistic people, but if you can’t, it’s better to be around angry people.  You can all plot your revenge together!

 

Everyone knows that we are supposed to be optimistic.  Duh!  Every cheesy new book, self righteous talk show host and new age self-help guru tells us this.  But we are all imperfect human beings full of emotions.  So, often it’s just not that easy.   How many of us can remain optimistic when our livelihood, our life style and/or even our families are in peril?  If you can, great!  Most of us have a really hard time.  Even so, it is still critical to stay far away from self pity.  And as crazy as it may sound, anger is a good temporary refuge. 

 

Good luck!

 

 

Larry

Hard work is more important than ever. No it isn’t!

With so many people worried about losing their job or trying desperately to get a new one, hard work is critical, right?  Wrong.  Being a hard worker is a good trait, but not critical to successfully keeping your job or getting a new one. 

 

The reality is lots of people work very hard and still fail, while lots of people work very hard and succeed.  At the same time some people work rather lightly succeed, while others work lightly and get no where.  So what’s the answer? 

 

If you are an employee:

 

Probably everyone knows of someone who worked very hard for a company but was still laid off.  The thing to remember is that companies/managers DO NOT CARE how hard you work or have worked.  They will still lay you off.  They care what you can provide for them in the future.  So, for you to keep your job you need to look like you have FUTURE value to include items like:

           

• Seem to do as much of your boss’s job as is realistically possible:
  • As long as you are careful not to look like a usurper, the more of your boss’s job you do, the more he/she will have to do if you are let go!
• Do NOT seem to be working to hard – just seem busy:
  • If you are working hard that means you will either leave or will soon be asking for help.  Either way they can’t give you more work in the future - bad.  If you are just busy, that’s good and valuable, and they may think they can give you more responsibility in the future.
• Take managerial control over as many areas/personnel as you can:
  • The more people that you manage, the more SOMEONE ELSE (perhaps your boss) will have to manage if you are let go.  In addition, if it looks like you are managing well, they would be better served to fire another manager and put his people under you.
• Have people report to you (paper trail):
  • This part is critical – this let’s everyone know that you are busy and important.  Have paper/e-mail coming to you and going from you to your seniors constantly! This paper trail should have benchmarks that have been and that will be achieved for as many projects as possible.

 

If you are a sales rep:

 

We’ve all heard of reps that have lost clients because of shrinking budgets.  Just because you work hard for your client/prospect doesn’t mean that they say yes or give you repeat business.  Working hard just means that you’ll have no time for family and friends, but it doesn’t guarantee more sales or that you’ll keep your job. Here are some good ideas:

 

• Niching now is even more important:
  • More time in less industries/sectors means you are most efficient.  As long as these sectors aren’t completely destroyed, you’ll be positioned to get whatever business there is, since many others will be running all over the place.
• Confidence is effective:
  • Acting like things are not so bad (whether they are or not) is critical!  In addition, it should seem like your product or service is exactly what they need now.  When prospects are worried or scared, your confidence is the absolute best antidote.  If you seem worried or hesitant, your odds of closing go into the toilet.
• Constant reports with $ values and good pipeline:
  • This is similar to the paper trail concept above.  When managers have to decide who to boot and most are performing just at par (or worse), they are more apt to keep the rep that has an OBVIOUS plan for the future.  Lots of reports with dollar values help tremendously.
• Staying in front of clients:
  • This makes them feel like they are part of your team.  In addition, you are set up to receive referrals, and any up sell business.  More importantly, they often know who is hiring!  It may even be them.  Many sales reps are hired by their former clients.

 

If you are an owner/entrepreneur:

 

Times are tough for many of us and most owners/entrepreneurs have felt the pinch.  Working hard means that you’ll hardly be home, but it doesn’t mean that you’ll keep your business running.   In fact, you may become obsessed and other relationships may suffer.  No good.  Here’s a better answer:

 

• No one should ever see you worried:
  • Clients will think that you can no longer deliver, prospects will think that you about to go under (no new business), vendors will start asking for money earlier and your employees will be a mess (inefficient because of worry) and you best talent may leave.
• Market as if:
  • Still market like your product or service is the answer!  So many others will cut their budget and your target market will notice.  You are positioned to get any business that is there and you will be far ahead in the market confidence game when the economy turns.
• Should seem magical – no complaining:
  • You should NOT seem to be struggling.  It should seem like you can handle anything and that you were ready for this – even if you weren’t.  So if you are working hard, let it seem like you are having fun.
• Talk about past successes as if they are still current:
  • Keep everyone reminded of what great things have happened and speak like they are still happening, such as client success stories and client acquisitions.  In addition, speak about how great the future is.  This will get as many people as possible (both clients and employees) to stay positive.  Clients will pass on referrals and employees will still perform well.

 

The most important thing is to NOT seem to be working hard, but to seem busy and effective - in the best interest of those you want to impress.  Perception is EVERYTHING.  Even if you are working hard or being efficient and effective, if it doesn’t LOOK that way, you will probably still fail.  We all need people to act (or NOT act) for us to be successful.

 

Understanding this and ensuring that those people see what they want to see, will increase your odds of success in whatever you endeavor you are in.

 

 

“Make your accomplishments seem effortless”

 - Robert Greene, 48 Laws of Power

 

"The performance of the expert seems relaxed. The actions of trained people do not seem rushed. "
- Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of 5 Rings

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

 

The bailout plans are missing something critical!

With the economy the way it is, there are three major ideas for a Government influx of money.  One is to “Bailout” specific industries that the nation needs (Banking, Automotive, etc…).  A second is to invest in infrastructure (roads, bridges, etc…).  The third is tax rebates/reductions (lower taxes, tax holidays, tax rebate checks, etc…).  All of these will fail unless we deal with the most important issue in our downturn, - consumer confidence! 

 

This is the critical piece that very few are actively discussing.  We need to feel confident enough to start spending, investing and building.

 

DISCLAIMER - THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT CLAIM TO HAVE THE SPECIFIC ANSWER FOR THE DOWNTURN.  HOWEVER, IT DOES CLAIM TO HAVE THE RIGHT CONCEPT THAT NEEDS TO BE ADDED TO THE STRATEGY.  WE MUST DEAL WITH THE “FEELING” OF THE DOWNTURN AS MUCH AS THE MECHANICS OF IT.

 

So, what should we do?  We should bailout Americans.  Here’s one concept:

 

The bailout number over the next couple of years will be several trillion.  For this idea we’ll use 1.5 trillion of that.  This amount should be set aside in two separate funds: 1 trillion for year one and ½ trillion for year two.

 

These funds will be accessible by US businesses, specifically small and medium-sized companies.  Each business can petition for funds to supplement the payroll of full-time employees only.  Each company may only supplement a certain percentage of their full-time employee base, say 33%. Example:  A 15 person company can supplement 5 full-time employees.   As a company grows, so does it’s authorization for supplementation

 

How much should each company get?  Just to illustrate the point, each employee salary may be supplemented by up to $50K, in year one and up to $25K per employee in year two.  So, that’s 20 million jobs supplemented for up to $75K over two years. 

 

1.  Why is this better than the other three ideas?

 

Industry Bailout:  Government will gain control of these industries; perhaps to the point of nationalizing.  In addition, this tactic is inherently unfair to those not bailed out.  Why Automobiles and not Peaches?   Finally, Americans SEE NOTHING and therefore feel nothing. – BAD.

Company/Employee funding: The private sector retains control of the businesses. In addition, all industries may petition equally – much fairer.  Finally, Americans will see people all around them (20 million – in this case) being directly effected.  They will feel better, more confident and spend! - GOOD.

 

Infrastructure Investing:  Spending money on infrastructure will take years to implement and therefore may be too late.   In addition, once it’s done, we have lots of unemployed workers and no new jobs!  Finally, we have built no “business equity” in our private sector.  – BAD.

Company/Employee funding:  Funding companies/employees can be implemented right away getting dollars into the system now.  In addition, the employees will be working for private companies building business equity and growing industries.  Finally, after two years, we’ll have created some growth and hopefully the majority of supplemented employees will have shown/built value so that most will stay employed.  Knowing this rosy looking future, they will feel more confident and spend! – GOOD.

 

Tax rebates/Tax Holidays:  These are single hits.  They are nice, but not ongoing, so we’ll feel like we’ve received a temporary reprieve only.  We’ll still feel like the world is ending.  Lowering taxes is also nice, but we still feel like we may lose our jobs.  No confidence. – BAD.

Company/Employee funding:  Funding companies/employees for two years will allow employees to believe that their job is secure for at least two years and therefore they will feel more confident and spend.  – GOOD.

 

2.  Why small and medium-sized businesses?

 

            For these businesses, a payroll supplement of $75K for up to 1/3 of their fulltime workforce over two years will save lots of jobs!  In addition, many will actually hire more: administrators, sales reps, IT staff, managers, and other middle class jobs.  If the company can’t afford $90K per year for talent, maybe it can afford $40K (with the $50K supplement from Uncle Sam) for that talent.  In addition, that employee has two years to earn their keep while the company grows. - GOOD

 

3.  Won’t there be corruption? 

 Of course!  There is in all bailouts.  Does anyone know exactly where the first $350 billion went?  The difference is, since each business has to petition, we can track all the money, find and punish offenders – this in itself will lessen the amount of corruption.

In addition, how bad could it be?  It’s $75K over two years.  If some business owners just use it to supplement their own salaries, they’ll still spend it anyway (and probably on their businesses), which is what we want! - GOOD

 

4.  How will the petitions be answered, who gets selected, how do they pay it back?

            That’s what actuaries and bureaucrats are for!  They’ll figure out the details of whom, why, when, etc…

 

By supplementing payroll, even current employees will feel safer.  Now, even those currently employed are scared of losing their income and have stopped spending. 

 

But the best part is that this plan is targeted at individual Americans, it is limited in money, limited in time AND allows the government to step away and not grow.  With that, it does what it must and that is: it influences us to act not wait – like the other plans!

 

Is this the answer?  Maybe - what we are doing now is surely NOT the answer.

 

In any case, the idea is to stop trying to just fix the boat.  We need to get the people on the boat to stop trying escape or hide and to start bailing and navigating.  This is an emotional issue.  As silly as that sounds, it’s the most important item for turning this thing around quickly.

 

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”

– Dale Carnegie

 

Good luck in 2009!

 

 

Larry

 

Tis the Season of...Pain?!

Yes, many of us know that this is a season of both joy and pain.  With the economy the way it is, there will probably be more pain than usual.  So when we hear someone talk of their pain, we should obviously tell them to count their blessings and look at the good things they have, right?  NOPE!  That often makes things worse.  What we should do is…

 

First acknowledge their pain.  Whether or not we feel that their pain is valid or taken out of proportion, it doesn’t matter.  To them it’s real pain.  In fact, whatever pain you have, someone thinks it’s minor, but to you it’s major. 

 

DISCLAIMER - THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT CLAIM TO CURE DEPRESSION OR ANY OTHER MENTAL CONDITION. NOR DOES IT CLAIM TO TAKE THE PLACE OF A COMPETENT MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. THIS IS TO SHOW THE READER HOW TO HANDLE THE OFTEN AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS THAT BEGIN WITH HEARING SOMEONE’S PAIN/PROBLEMS. 

 

If you do not acknowledge the pain and just start with the common, “Come on, look on the bright side, you have…..”  Or worse, “Hey!  Some people have it worse because…” You probably have done several bad things: 

 

1. You’ve just invalidated the person’s feelings.
2. You’ve shown them that you don’t “get them” and therefore you’ve broken rapport.
3. If you are close to the person, now they feel stupid or selfish for having their worries.  If they are depressed, now it’s worse.
4. If the person was trying to confide in you, they may never try it again and you may have limited a potentially close relationship.

 

Well done!?

 

So, acknowledge the pain and then DO NOT try and fix it or make it better.  Just ask a question about it.  This shows that you hear them and that you are interested.

 

Example:

 

Friend: “Wow!  This year has been really tough.  I don’t know how I’m gonna make it next year.”

 

You (BAD):                 “Cheer up.  At least you got your health.  Bob Jones lost his job and he had to check into rehab!”

 

You (GOOD): Yeah.  That sucks.  What are you thinking about doing?

 

This will not magically make them better, but they will feel like you are “with” them.  They probably will not button up and may even vent some more.

 

Once they talk, listen and nod a lot (say, “uh-huh” often, if you are on the phone) until they are done.  If possible, tell them about another person who has a similar problem/concern AND who is ALSO WORRIED.

 

Example:

 

Friend:  “I’m not sure.  I may need to change careers.  My resume isn’t up to speed yet.” Etc…

 

You: (BAD):  “You know Bill Smith decide to go back to school.  That’s your answer.  You should just go back to school like Bill.”

            Again you’ve invalidated his feelings and his problems.

 

You: (GOOD):  “Uh-huh.  You know Bill Smith lost his job too.  He’s worried just like you.  He was telling me about some of his friends who feel the same way too.”

            This broadens the blow so he may not take it so personally and validates his feelings.

 

Then ask if he needs any assistance with something.  You may even offer some if you see an obvious way.  This should NOT be assumed or forced.  It must be an option for him to deny if he wants to.  It is the thought here that matters more than the actual help.  Of course, make the offer real in case he does want it!

 

Example:

 

Friend:            I don’t know.  Maybe I should just look into becoming a cupcake squiggle inspector.

 

You: (BAD):  I’ll have you meet with Jane Johnson.  She’s a cupcake squiggle Inspector recruiter.  I’ll call her and set a meeting on Monday.  Also, you should call my brother.  He was one out of college.  I’ll have him call you tomorrow.

            He may just be venting, he may not want help, he may just be upset and grasping at straws!

 

You: (GOOD):  OK.  Well, if you want, I know some people in the industry.

            Let him decide if he wants your help.

 

If he doesn’t want your assistance, leave it alone and move on to another subject.  You are NOT doing him a favor by trying to solve his problem.  Things will just become awkward. 

 

Tell a positive story about someone else - not you or him.  It could be anything, just positive and try to move on.

 

So remember:

 

Acknowledge

Ask

Nod

Broaden the Blow

Offer

Nice Story

Move on!

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

If He wins the election, the country is doomed!

You must have heard this type of rhetoric before!  After almost two years of campaigning, we have heard more negative rhetoric than ever.  And we will hear more in the coming elections for many more years.  It’s not going away.  The question is, “Does is work?”  The answer is…

 

YES.  That’s why we use it.  But, there is a caveat.  Finding the flaws in the “competition” can be effective, as long as there is only one competitor and the flaws are huge.

 

DISCLAIMER- THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT TAKE A STANCE ON THE CAMPAIGNING OF EITHER CANDIDATE NOR ON THE ETHICS OF NEGATIVE CAMPAIGNING IN GENERAL.  THIS IS TO SHOW HOW NEGATIVITY, IN THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT, CAN INFLUENCE THOSE AROUND YOU. 

 

There are many ways to get someone to “pick” you, whether in a political campaign, a sales event, deal making or in your personal life.  We can show our value, we can use guilt or we can show the horrors of not picking us.  Negative campaigning is a form of showing the horror.  All can and do work, but here are the issues with negative campaigning.

 

1 – It works well when there is only one other option.  Examples:

 

          You are the obvious choice in a sales event, so it’s you or no one.

          There are only two choices at a movie theater at your time slot.

          The two party political system.

 

2 – The negativity MUST be harsh AND/OR personal, otherwise it isn’t heard.

 

          If the prospect doesn’t pick you she may lose her job.

          If you see movie A, you’ll never see movie B in the theater because it’s the last day showing.

          If Candidate X wins, your family will be directly affected negatively.

 

In the case of a sales event, if there are many vendors available and you are able to show the flaws of the current vendor, (as many sales trainers teach), you have only proven that the current guy is no good - NOT that you are good.  The prospect will probably link the negativity to you (feel badly about you), take your advice and go with someone else.

 

However, if you are the only competitor (either you’ve been vetted through proposals or RFPs, OR you are the only one who currently provides the service, OR you are the obvious choice for some other reason), then showing the flaws in the current vendor WILL shift opinion in your favor.  In fact, if the flaws are major, it will help alleviate hesitation and speed up the selection process.

 

Example 1:  “Bob, your competition has used your current vendor, ACME, and because of the lack of XYZ technology, he has been caught in this economy and is going out of business. If you don’t get XYZ technology now, you may follow him.”

 

If you are the only other option, this is VERY powerful. 

 

In the case of a personal situation, if there are many options at the theater and you show the flaws of your partner’s selection, she will surely NOT just agree to your movie.  She may actually purposefully chose another movie that neither of you will be happy with!

 

However, if you are already at the theater, unwilling to travel someplace else and ONLY two movies are playing at this time, then showing the flaws in her original choice WILL shift opinion in your favor.  In fact, if the only other option is to go home, your odds have just gone up even further.  

 

Example 2:  “Sue, the last time we saw a movie with Jane Doe in it, the movie was so bad that we got upset and went right home.  The night was ruined!  Do we really want to see a movie with her in it again?”

 

Again, if the movie you want to see is the only other option, this is VERY powerful.

 

In the case of a political campaign with many choices (most primaries, for example), if you are able to show the flaws of one candidate, you have only proven that one candidate is no good, but NOT that you are good.  The populace will probably link the negativity to you (feel badly about you) and vote for someone else.

 

However, if there are only two choices (most general elections, for example), then showing the flaws of the opponent WILL help shift opinion in your favor.  In fact, if the flaws are major AND personal, it may cause parts of the electorate to ignore ALL other aspects of the election!  

 

Example 3:  “Phil, the last time Candidate Y was in charge of anything, there was terrible corruption.  Wasted money, investigations, embarrassed employees and the entire budget was broken.  Not just that, he cheats on his wife and his taxes.  Can we trust a man like that?  Who would put their trust in him?”

 

Yes, when there is only one other option, this is VERY powerful.

 

In each of these cases, the prospect has to choose the lesser of two evils.

 

NOTE:  We must realize that this is NOT the only way to influence someone. Nor is it the only aspect that influences people. MANY other items will influence the prospect; this is just one (of many) powerful tactics.  In addition, this does not ensure that you will get your way.  It adds to your odds and helps stack the deck in your favor.  Any good influence process must use many tactics and strategies.

 

So, if you find yourself in any of these situations, understand that “negative campaigning” can work for you OR may be used ON YOU!

 

Hopefully this helps you to see it.

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

$700 Billion Bailout – Should McCain and Obama have voted “Yes”?

Was the passing of the Bailout Package the right move?  Did either McCain or Obama believe it to be?  What will be the final outcome?  More importantly to them - how will their vote affect their careers?  The reality is that for their personal good, NEITHER should have voted for it!

 

DISCLAIMER - THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT TAKE A STANCE ON THE VALUE OF THE RECENT BAILOUT PACKAGE.  THIS IS TO SHOW HOW YOU MUST SERIOUSLY CONSIDER YOUR PUBLIC STANCES IN BOTH YOUR BUSINESS AND PERSONAL LIFE OR YOU MAY FIND YOUR INITIAL THOUGHTS CAN REALLY HURT YOUR SUCCESS IN THE FUTURE.

 

Here is why for McCain.

 

Everyone in Congress knew that some kind of bailout would go through.  Therefore whether McCain votes Yes or No, it would still pass.  So:

 

If McCain voted “Yes” and:

            The package works – he is lumped in with everyone else – no big deal. In fact, some would criticize him because of the “Pork” in the bill that he voted for.

            The package fails – he is punished because he was wrong, had bad judgment and wasted the taxpayer money.

            Little upside, and big chance for downside - bad idea!

 

If McCain voted “No” and

            The package works – the whole thing is basically forgotten because things are better and we can focus on other matters.  If it does come up he can stand on his ethics of “NO PORK” that’s why it was a bad bill.  Some would still praise him.

            The package fails – he gets to say “See, I told you so.”  He is seen as a cost cutter and true statesmen who cares about the American taxpayer.  His next idea has automatically more merit.

            Little downside and chance for big upside – the better choice!

 

Here is why for Obama.

 

Again, everyone in Congress knew that some kind of bailout would go through.  Therefore whether Obama votes Yes or No, it would still pass.  So:

 

If Obama voted “Yes” and:

            The package works – he is lumped in with everyone else – no big deal. In fact he may be criticized because of the “Corporate Welfare” in the bill that he voted for.

            The package fails – he is punished because he was wrong, had bad judgment and wasted the taxpayer money.

            Little upside, and big chance for downside - bad idea!

 

If Obama voted “No” and

            The package works – the whole thing is basically forgotten because things are better and we can focus on other matters.  If it does come up he can stand on his ethics of “No Corporate Welfare” that’s why it was a bad bill.  Some would still praise him.

            The package fails – he gets to say “See, I told you so.”  He is seen as a cost cutter and true statesmen who cares about the American taxpayer.  His next idea has automatically more merit.

            Little downside and chance for big upside – the better choice!

 

Their handlers were not thinking clearly.  Both candidates could have told key party members privately that they support it, but need to back away because of the election.  No issue.  Is this always the way?  No, but they should have considered this situation very carefully.

 

So, how does this affect you?  You MUST draw a clear, solid, thick line in between your stances in public and behind closed doors.  You MUST also take a stance, NOT only on the issue, but on the relationships involved.

 

Business Example 1 – You know that the CEO and CFO are going to move forward with a plan for the company that is bad.  Should you say so at the weekly meeting?  Many would say companies do not need YES-MEN, so you should stand up.  In addition, you want to be on the record in case things go badly.  THIS IS COMPLETLEY WRONG!  If you have a problem, go to the CEO and CFO separately and in private and express your concerns.  In the meeting nod your head and smile!  

 

If you speak your mind in the meeting and:

 

The plan fails – even though you were right, you’ve embarrassed your bosses.  You can announce “I told them so!” to you NEW boss as you get passed over for a promotion or you can tell your career counselor at the unemployment office.

 

The plan works – you’ll lose all credibility in the future and your career at that company is now stifled.

 

LOSE – LOSE!  Put your ego in your pocket! 

 

Business Example 2 - You are part of a team of managers under a Director.  You are all competing for promotions/raises.  One manager has an idea to move the company forward.  If it is risky at all, you may want to be against it unless you are really confident that it will work.  

 

If it works, he’ll get credit anyway and you’ll need to find an excuse and then create something great yourself.  If it fails, you can now move your agenda forward, because you were right.

 

 

Family Example – Your significant other gets into an argument with someone at a store.  You saw it start and KNOW that he/she is completely in the wrong.  The right thing to do is to try to talk it out, get your significant other to see what really happened and clear it up maybe even with a n apology.  NO WAY!  Just jump on his/her side!  It doesn’t matter who was right, just support him/her.  Later at home, in private, tell him/her what happened.

 

If you don’t and try to “make it right”:

 

She/he finds out that she/he was actually wrong – They feel dumb in public and you were the messenger.  Oh yes, we love to shoot the messenger.  You can “feel good” by yourself since you won’t be talking at all on the way home!

 

She/he finds out that she/he was actually right – Hopefully you have close friends, because you’ll be sleeping with them that night!   They will feel completely betrayed and that “sting” will last a long time.

 

LOSE – LOSE!  Put your “righteousness” in your pocket.

 

As silly and simple as these sound – WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES LIKE THIS!

 

The most important idea to remember here is NOT whether the idea or argument is right or wrong, but what will the outcomes be when you take a stance.  Otherwise, we as humans are prone to try to “Be Right”.  While that sounds great, it will ensure that we will have poor relationships.  

 

The true secret to a successful life is good relationships (business and family).  So lets’ do what we can to be successful.

 

Good Luck!

 

 

Larry

 

 

Evolution, Creationism or Intelligent Design? No Facts!

Evolution, Creationism or Intelligent Design?  No Facts!

 

How did humans get here?  More importantly, how many people do you know (maybe even you) who very strongly subscribe to a specific answer?  You’d be surprised how most people have come to their conclusion.

 

DISCLAIMER - THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT TAKE A STANCE ON ANY ANSWER TO THE ORIGIN OF HUMANITY. THIS IS TO SHOW HOW PEOPLE OFTEN SUBSCRIBE TO OPINIONS/BELIEFS AND HOW WE CAN ADJUST OUR TACTICS TO INFLUENCE THEM IN OUR EVERYDAY LIVES.

 

If you were to ask three separate groups of 10 people who respectively subscribe to evolution, creationism and intelligent design, “How do you know that this is the answer?”  Most would say something like, “It just makes sense.”

 

If you went deeper and asked (respectively):

 

            “Have you checked the fossil records?”

            “Do you know the entire story of Genesis?”

            “Have you seen the most recent literature?”

 

Nine out of ten would have to answer, “No.”

 

So, regardless of the stance on the issue and regardless of how passionate the person is on the subject, they don’t actually have the facts!   While this may seem odd or silly, it’s actually common.  Most people select stances on any given topic NOT by the facts but by two different influence ideas:  Authority and Social Proof.

 

Authority – We are influenced by people that we believe are in a position of authority.

 

When we see people that WE BELIEVE are powerful, smart or popular making statements, we have a tendency to believe them, even if we don’t know the facts.

 

Example 1:  A special on Discovery Channel has a scientist that has been on TV many times and talks about the fossil records.  He could be an actor and he could be lying, or he could be a real scientist and telling the truth. It doesn’t matter – if YOU respect him, you will probably be moved by his presentation and it will affect your beliefs.

 

Example 2:  A popular televangelist is on a panel and debates/explains how Genesis relates to history.  Again, he could be a fraud and have the facts wrong, or he could be a true theologian and have all the facts right on.  It doesn’t matter – if YOU respect him, this will help shape your beliefs. 

 

In both imaginary cases, you personally don’t know all of the facts, but may have a very strong view.

 

Social Proof – We are influenced by our peer group or groups we feel an affinity for.

 

When we see people who are “just like us” or people that we want to be associated with, think a certain way, we are more likely to follow in their thought process.

 

Example 1:  Close friends/family often make negative comments about “bible thumpers” and take serious stances on the “family tree of nature” and our common ancestors.  If this is your peer group, it will help form your beliefs, even if they have no idea what they are talking about.

 

Example 2:  Co-workers, that you spend a lot of social time with, have a very low opinion of “non- (insert religious group here)” and are very adamant about getting creationism taught in schools.   If these are your peers, they will probably affect your beliefs, even if they don’t have any data.

 

Again, in both imaginary cases, you don’t have all the facts, but may have a hardcore belief.

 

We will even hold views DIRECTLY AGAINST the facts.

 

Example 1:  You see consumer data that shows that product X is better, faster and cheaper than product Y.  You see a report on the news that validates this data.  While shopping, several sales reps agree with the data, as do some customers that you run into.  But, your close friend has product Y and says it’s great and that product X sucks.  If you respect your friend, that ONE piece of data may have a huge impact on you and may cause you to hesitate or even to buy product Y against all the facts. 

 

Example 2:  A politician has a very poor record in your view.  He supports policies in direct opposition to your values and has actually helped enact initiatives that have negatively impacted you personally.  But, he is part of YOUR party.  If you strongly identify with the PARTY, you will probably support him, even though it’s not in your best political interests.  The odds are also much better that you’ll believe him, even if he has lied in the past.

 

So, how does this affect us?  Well, not only is someone’s religious belief system influenced this way, but so is their belief system regarding your product, service, idea or deal!

 

We spend a lot of time trying to get out all the facts in our sales/influence process, but this isn’t all that critical.  We need to use Social Proof and Authority in our process.

 

It may be more effective to show your target how others are using your idea and avoid detailed facts until they are asked for.  These “others” can be those that the target respects (Authority) or those that the target feels are in his peer group (Social Proof).  It’s best if you can show both.

 

Bad example: 

 

You:   See Bob, with this deal you get the GinZoid 5000 with new EverJunk technology.  And it is compatible with Flink 2.0.

 

Target:  ZZZZZZZZZZ….

 

Good example:

 

You:   Bob, this is the same deal that Phil over at ACME is doing.  Not just that, but your mentor Jane at XYZ has also come aboard.

 

Target:  Really, Phil and Jane are doing this?  Tell me more.

 

While facts have their place, let’s not get bogged down with them and try to impress. 

 

Many times people think that facts can be manipulated or that your facts are just claims that can’t be proved.  It may be hard to get around this if your trust level is low due to the targets previous experiences.

 

Therefore, Social Proof and Authority are often far more effective in getting the YES.

 

Good luck!

 

Larry