It seems like every month we hear about a “scandal” regarding some public figure having an affair or sleeping with prostitutes (male or female). Then they have to make the mandatory public apology, somehow invoke God and ask us to give them privacy and to forgive them. Then they “fall on their sword” and resign. If they don’t resign, the public outcry is deafening and their ability to function is severely impeded. But the only reason why we are upset is because they did it NOW and we found out NOW!
Think about how many of our GREAT men have cheated on their wives or slept with prostitutes! We know that Thomas Jefferson was an adulterer with slaves, Benjamin Franklin was a notorious patron of prostitutes, Andrew Jackson was a bigamist, Eisenhower slept with his secretary, Kennedy slept with who knows who and it’s rumored that Martin Luther King Jr, cheated too. So, why aren’t these men considered pitiful and sorry excuses for men?
Because we, the public, found out about these events after the men had done their good deeds. Now it’s sort of OK. Think what would have happened if these men had existed in a society like today (with the Internet and 24 hour news channels) and the public found out. None of their deeds would have come to pass. Because they would have done the public apology for being human and then resign. Think about it for a moment…there would have been NO:
French Alliance in 1776 (Benjamin)
“Ask not what your country can do for you, but for what you can so for your country!” (JFK)
“I Have a Dream!” (King), etc…
But today, with the Internet and 24 hour news channels, we find out right away and throw away our public leaders regardless of their actual talent or our possible future benefit. And the biggest issue: If they did it BEFORE their public life, it’s OK!! No judgment gets passed.
Yes, that’s right. Just be sure to be a “bad boy” before you enter the public eye and you are fine. Be on your second wife, after cheating on your first (Newt Gingrich, John McCann, Dr. Phil, et al.) and it’s OK. Not only is it OK but, you can be a hypocrite and even criticize those who do cheat on their wives! But, get caught now (Mark Sanford, John Edwards, et al.) and you are evil! New York Governor Elliot Spitzer had to step down for cheating, but the current Governor Patterson openly admits that he cheated on his wife and did drugs, but it was a while ago! So, it’s all good and NY losses Spitzer for Patterson! Maybe Spitzer could have served us better than Patterson. Maybe Mark Sanford would have been a great South Carolina Governor. We’ll never know.
Does this make any sense? Actually, YES! It makes complete sense. It’s called the law Contrast! We are hard-wired to see things differently through the prism of time.
As time passes, everything (memory, emotions, connections, etc…) is diluted and dulled. It is natural healing. The saying “Time heals all wounds.” comes from this concept. This is usually a very good thing. It allows us to heal from almost anything. But the bi-product of this is that even the bad things that people do are diluted and dulled. So, yes! It is OK to cheat on your wife, as long as it was awhile ago and after we’ve seen you do better.
But why does this matter to you? Because this affects your daily life! How? Here are examples:
Personal:
1 - You ask someone for a favor and then, they “hem and haw” and complain. You are upset, because you helped them out in the past. But what you’ve failed to take into account is that your good deed was years ago and now the value of that deed has been diluted in their minds. They may not be selfish, they may just be human.
So, to mitigate this affect, you must FIRST talk about the time that you helped them and talk about it in vivid detail, almost re-living it. The better you paint a picture of that time, the more the event will be re-lived and more power it will have in persuading your friend to act accordingly.
2 - The reverse is also true. When you’ve done something bad – NEVER bring it up again, ever! Let time dilute the impact of your action. This will give you the better relationships.
Business:
1 - You want a referral from you customer. You need to ask right after you’ve provided some value for your client. Ask right after your product or service has given them a benefit or right after you’ve done a personal favor. This means that your deed is at its most powerful in their minds and increases the chances that you’ll get a favor.
If you’ve waited too long, just ask them about the last benefit that they’ve received from you, and ask THEM TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT! This will make it vivid in their minds. Then immediately ask for a referral.
2 – The reverse here is also true. If you have failed your client (once you’ve made it right) – NEVER bring it up again. Only talk about the successes. This will give you the better relationships.
Good luck!
Larry
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