Neo-Sage Nickel

When someone is down, tell him to count his blessings, right? Please don't!

Yes, this is a season of both joy and pain.  With the economy the way it is, there will probably be more pain than usual.  So, when we hear someone talk of their pain, we should obviously tell them to count their blessings and look at the good things they have, right?  NOPE!  That often makes things worse.  What we should do is…

 

First acknowledge their pain.  It doesn't matter how we feel about their pain, or even if we think they are exaggerating.  In fact, whatever pain anyone has, someone thinks it’s minor, but to that person it’s major. 

 

NOTE:  This is a modified repost of a Neo-Sage Blog from this time last year.  The subject is still relevant so I've reposted it, slightly modified.

 

DISCLAIMER - THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT CLAIM TO CURE DEPRESSION OR ANY OTHER MENTAL CONDITION. NOR DOES IT CLAIM TO TAKE THE PLACE OF A COMPETENT MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. THIS IS TO SHOW THE READER HOW TO HANDLE THE OFTEN AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS THAT BEGIN WITH HEARING SOMEONE’S PAIN/PROBLEMS. 

 

If you do not acknowledge the pain and just start with the common, “Come on, look on the bright side, you have…..”  Or worse, “Hey!  Some people have it worse because…” You probably have done several bad things: 

 

1. You’ve just invalidated the person’s feelings.
2. You’ve shown them that you don’t “get them” and therefore you’ve broken rapport.
3. If you are close to the person, now they feel stupid or selfish for having their worries.  If they are depressed, now it’s worse.
4. If the person was trying to confide in you, they may never try it again and you may have limited a potentially close relationship.

Well done!?

So DO NOT go with the have "gratitude for what you have" idea.  Instead, acknowledge the pain and then DO NOT try and fix it or make it better.  Just ask a question about it.  This shows that you hear them and that you are interested. 

Example:

 

Friend: “Wow!  This year has been really tough.  I don’t know how I’m gonna make it next year.”

 

You (BAD):  “Cheer up.  At least you got your health.  Bob Jones lost his job and he had to check into rehab!"

 

Now your friend feels worse because his pain is invalid!  Good job!

 

You (GOOD): Yeah.  That sucks.  What are you thinking about doing?

 

This will not magically make them better, but they will feel like you are “with” them.  They probably will not button up and may even vent some more.

 

Once they talk, listen and nod a lot (say, “uh-huh” often, if you are on the phone) until they are done.  If possible, tell them about another person who has a similar problem/concern AND who is ALSO WORRIED.  They should not feel alone or singled out.

 

Example:

 

Friend:  “I’m not sure.  I may need to change careers.  My resume isn’t up to speed yet.” Etc…

 

You: (BAD):  “You know Bill Smith decide to go back to school.  That’s your answer.  You should just go back to school like Bill.”

 

Again you’ve invalidated his feelings and his problems.

 

You: (GOOD):  “Uh-huh.  You know Bill Smith lost his job too.  He’s worried just like you.  He was telling me about some of his friends who feel the same way too.”

 

This broadens the blow so he may not take it so personally and validates his feelings.

 

Then ask if he needs any assistance with something.  This should NOT be assumed or forced.  It must be an option for him to deny if he wants to.  It is the thought here that matters more than the actual help.  Of course, make the offer real in case he does want it!

 

Example:

 

Friend:  I don’t know.  Maybe I should just look into becoming a cupcake squiggle inspector.

 

You: (BAD):  I’ll have you meet with Jane Johnson.  She’s a cupcake squiggle Inspector recruiter.  I’ll call her and set a meeting on Monday.  Also, you should call my brother.  He was one out of college.  I’ll have him call you tomorrow.

 

He may just be venting, he may not want help, he may just be upset and grasping at straws!  Now he has to really think about this and then somehow tell you no.  It may also make him feel helpless or silly.

 

You: (GOOD):  OK.  Well, if you want, I know some people in the industry.

 

Let him decide if he wants your help.  He has control and power.

 

If he doesn’t want your assistance, leave it alone and move on to another subject.  You are NOT doing him a favor by trying to solve his problem.  Things will just become awkward. 

Tell a positive story about someone else - not you or him.  It could be anything, just positive and try to move on.

 

So remember:

 

Acknowledge

Ask

Nod

Broaden the Blow

Offer

Nice Story

Move on!

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

 

Love - never saying you're sorry? Not quite!

While we all want to have perfect relationships where everyone always loves, we can't.  There will be problems, and sometimes you’ll be responsible for them.  So, just quickly say that you're sorry and explain the reason, right?  No way!  That's the fastest way to scar your relationship, whether it’s business or personal. 

The thing to do is to realize that when someone is angry at you it's usually because of a perceived lack of respect and/or control.  So, you need to increase the perception of respect and control, more than relieve your own conscious by apologizing!  Therefore, you do NOT want to rush to say, “I’m so sorry!” 

If you just announce that you are sorry, you have compounded the problem.  Your apology will not be believed, their anger will be validated and awkwardness will linger in the room like a full elevator that all of a sudden has “funny smell” and the next floor just can’t get here soon enough.  So, when someone is angry, what do you do?

1 – Find out exactly what happened (eases the complaint and begins to return respect and control as they speak) –

            DO NOT start with, “I’m so sorry.”  Start with, “Oh my god, what happened?  Let’s get to the bottom of this!”  You must become a concerned advocate.

2 – Broaden the blow by showing that the issue wasn’t personal (eases the complainer, since it wasn’t personal, a little more respect is gained.)

            Show how others were affected or how it was a company-wide issue or you weren’t thinking about any individual.

3 – Express that the person is important/valuable and that this shouldn’t have happened to them (they gain respect)

            Explain how this is unacceptable and that it must be remedied.

4 – Apologize (they gain respect)

            NOW apologize!  It will be believed and will land well since you have shown your respect for both the person and the issue.

5 – Explain how it will be “made right” (they gain respect)

            You say what will be done to make it right, like a discount, a token, a gift card, free shipping, a new product, etc…

6 – Explain how measure will be taken so that this doesn’t happen to them again (the gain control)

            You must let them know that things are gonna change because of this and that they are so valuable that you will be preventative form now on.

7 – Follow up and specifically ask if they are happy with the repair (use law of consistency to bring them back to you)

            You need to get them to say, “Yes.”  This will often make them MORE loyal to you than if nothing happened at all.

Examples:

Business:

Your order to the client is completely wrong and late.  Your client says, “I can’t believe this, I have to reschedule my meeting because this is all wrong and late!  You guys suck!”

YOU:

1 – “Oh my god, that’s terrible!  What happened?  What was wrong?”

Client: Angrily tells you what happened and says how you screwed everything up, you are unprofessional, and your company sucks, etc…(you quietly nod as the client vents at you)   Slowly the client begins to calm a little.

YOU:

2 – “You know, we’ve had a lot of turnover in the processing center and a few clients have complained.  Our sales reps have been jumping through hoops trying to repair orders.   .  It’s been a mess.”

Client: Not as angrily says that this is no excuse and asks why the hell you aren’t doing something about it!  Your company sucks

YOU:

3 – “You are right!  You are very important and we need to treat you better.  Our interior problems shouldn’t affect you.  You do not deserve this.”

4 – “I’m very sorry about what happened, please let us make this right.”

Client:  Even less angrily, tells you that it’s not the end of the world, but this really affected his business.

YOU:

5 – “Yes, you are right.  To try to make it up to you, I’m going to express ship you a new order at no charge.  In addition, to try make things right, I’m going to credit you for free shipping for your next three orders.”

6 – “And in the future, every time your order comes in, I’m going to personally take it to processing and supervise the packing  AND the shipping, so this will not happen again.”

Client:  Not angry at all, tells you, “That seems fair.”

YOU:

7 – “I hope this shows you how valuable you are, how sorry we are for our mix up and how we’ll fix it in the future.  Is that satisfactory for you?”

Client: Feeling better, says YES!

Personal:

You forget to pick up your significant other (“SO”) from a social event.  Your significant other is angry and says, “Why do you ignore me all the time!  I waited for an hour before taking the bus!”

YOU:

1 – “Wow!  What happened?  Where were you?”

SO: Angrily tells you what happened and says how you are absent–minded and inconsiderate, etc… (you quietly nod as SO vents at you)   Slowly SO begins to calm a little.

YOU:

2 – “You know, I’ve been so distracted with work recently.  My friend Bob is angry because I forgot his party, my boss got mad because I missed a meeting, it’s been tough for everybody around me recently.  I’ve been a mess.”

SO: Not as angrily tells you how he/she understands, but that’s no excuse to ignore your SO!

YOU:

3 – “You are right!  You are very special to me and I need to be better.  You do not deserve this and I will be better.”

4 – “I’m sorry about what happened, please forgive me.”

SO:  Even less angrily, tells you that it’s not the end of the world, but it’s happened before and he/she was hurt.

YOU:

5 – “Yes, you are right.  To try to make it up to you, I’m gonna take the kids out this whole weekend and give you some alone time to take care of yourself.”

6 – “And in the future, every time you need me to pick you up, I’m gonna pick it in my blackberry as an urgent alarm an hour in advance, so I never miss this again.”

SO:  Not angry at all, tells you how nice that is.

YOU:

7 – “Is that OK, sweetheart?”

SO: Feeling better, says YES!

While this is not perfect, this template gives you the best chance of keeping your client.

Good luck!

 

Larry

 

We're rushing to Sustainable Energy, right? Not really!

We constantly hear about sustainability in building, manufacturing and energy.  Sustainability is a huge buzz word.  If you asked 10 people on the street, “Do you believe that sustainable energy will help alleviate poverty?  Disease?  War?”  Surely, 9 out of every 10 would say, “YES” to each of these!  If you then asked,”Do you support, or should we as a nation, strive for sustainable energy for the world?”  Again, surely 9 out of 10 would say, “YES!”  So, obviously, with this type of clear support, we are quickly moving towards this goal, right?  Not really.  The reality is that this goal may be far away.

 

Why?  Because we need more than verbal support, we need action.  Well, we all know that thought and support translates into action, right?  NO.  How many times have you seen people become very excited about an idea, a product or a service and then never actually do anything?  Often?  Sure, you probably have done it yourself. 

 

How can we encourage action?  We have to deal with the factors affect inaction!  In the case of energy there are many factors affecting this.  But the great part about this is that most of these factors are common to the situations that you face all the time in your business and personal life:

 

1 – The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know!

 

Energy companies, vendors, affiliates and customers all know how the current game works.  They know that there are problems, but there will be problems with something new too.  They have accepted the current problems and found ways to mitigate them enough to feel satisfied.  New problems are scarier!  “Maybe we should spend more time researching.  Are things really that bad?  They seem to be working, right?”

 

This is a common underlying feeling; even for those who ostensibly support change.  Therefore, we must get them to see the realities of both “Devils”.  Yes, there will be problems, but which is the lesser of two evils?  We are already skilled at showing the value of our idea, product or service.  But, we have to get them to see the BAD aspects of their current situation, without tearing it down ourselves and seeming petty.  The goal here is not to convince, but to cast serious doubt on the current system.  Any change is scary, so we need to make the current system even scarier.  This will open their minds to moving forward with a new system.  So, guide them with questions to see the pitfalls of what they have now.   Examples may be:

 

Business:  Trying to sell a new product

            “Jim, with your current system, how many hours of work are you losing to downtime?  How much money does that equate to?” 

           

Personal:  Trying to go to the movie that you want

            “Jane, you know, if we don’t see this blockbuster movie tonight, what will we feel like when everyone else is talking about it tomorrow at work?”

 

This should get them to see the problems in their current system (or idea) themselves.  Of course, these are just concepts and must be tailored to your situation, but the ideas are very powerful, open a person’s mind, and they are much better than, “But, my idea is better than yours!”

 

2 – It’s easy to stay with the status quo.

 

Right now, the current energy situation is simple.  Coal is cheap, plentiful and easy to get.  Oil is locked deeply into our infrastructure and culture and the systems are moving like clockwork. “Why rock the boat and change what is clearly working relatively smoothly and profitably?  So, let’s just put all this sustainability stuff on the shelf for a few more years.”

 

On the surface this makes sense. Just because the benefits are clear, and even if we all agree on them, if they seem to be far off into the future and things look good now, it’s very hard to get people to change.  So, to deal with this we must show some immediate benefits to change.  Here is where incentives and short term value have to be built.  Examples may be:

 

Business: Trying to sell a business service

            “Kate, as soon as you start this, your entire team will see how much you value their workplace.  You will see an increase in productivity right away and you’ll have less turnover this year.  This means your sales force will close more deals and fewer of them will move clients to your competitors when they leave!”

 

Personal:  Trying to get someone to go back to college

            “Bob, the minute people see that you are doing this, their respect for you will soar.  You’ll see a difference in how people treat you the next day.  You’ll be seen as smarter and savvier and that will only help you in both business and with the ladies!”

           

Again, these are only concepts and must be tailored to your situation, but this will move them closer to pulling the trigger on something that may seem like it’s not so critical right now and it is much better than, “But, think about the future!”

 

3 – One person is a tragedy but a million is a statistic.

 

The statistics and data regarding our current energy infrastructure are massive and terrifying.  Almost everyone would agree.  But, they are TOO massive and terrifying to actually move most people.  Yes, they are too big and therefore they cannot truly be grasped by most.  Everyone knows that millions of children are hungry in the world, but we do nothing.  Then we see a TV commercial about one girl in a far away land and we act!  We “sponsor” her and start sending her money every year.  Why?  Because statistics are impersonal, nebulous and don’t land in our brain, but once you make it personal (make it human), we can process it and act.  Examples may be:

 

Business: Trying to sell a phone system

            “John, just think about how much easier Phyllis, on the 1st floor, will have it once this system is set up.  She is going to be able to get all the calls forwarded much quicker and easier.  She’ll be happier and nicer on the phone to your customers.  She won’t make those same mistakes anymore that drive Janice crazy.  And now, Tom, can use her more to assist with his admin work.” 

 

Personal:  Trying to get someone to come to a party

            “Susan, I know you don’t like most of the people there.  But, think about how Harry will feel when he sees you there.  He knows that you don’t want to be there, but when he sees you, he will know that you came just for him and it will make his evening.  He’ll be so happy he may jump up and down.  It will mean so much to him.”  

           

As always, these are concepts and must be tailored to your situation, but this idea of “humanizing” your idea, product or service, will always have a more powerful affect then just data.  This will help them validate action much better than, “But, look at all my information and data!”

 

To recap:

 

1 – Get them to see problems of the current situation - create doubt!

2 – Create immediate benefits along with long term gain.

3 – Make it personal, put a face on it.

 

If you want to move any agenda forward, even something as crucial as sustainable energy, you have to use all the tools we have to “MOVE” the people with decision making power to act NOW!  Facilitating major change is not easy, but very possible.

 

Using these techniques will help us all!

 

Good luck!

 

- Larry

The Three Secrets to Success. Not what you think?

The Three Secrets to Success. Not what you think!

 

Obviously, if you want to be successful, you've got to do what you love, be the best and work hard, right?  NOT AT ALL.  That's what so many "gurus" will tell you, but they are wrong.  Others will tell you that it's all about passion - also false.

 

How are these false?  Evidence!  Look at each of these guru claims:

 

Do what you love.  Don't you know people who do what they love and can't seem to make any real money?  Sure!  There are lots of people who love what they do, but need to leave it because they can't pay their bills.  This is simply not the answer.  Of course, it is great if you can do what you love, but it in NO way sets you up for success.   

 

Be the best.  Don't you know of MANY products or services that are just mediocre (at best) and make a fortune?  Don't you know of MANY products or services that are amazing, but can't make any money and maybe even go out of business. Again, simply not true.  Being the best definitely helps, but it does not set you up for success.

 

Work hard.  Don't you know MANY people who work really hard, but never get ahead?  They don't make enough money, they don't get promoted, they don't get recognition and they usually aren't even happy.  Hard work helps, it also ensures that you'll have less time for family and friends, but does not set you up for success.

 

Be passionate.  Don't you know people who are passionate about something, but never get the recognition or financial compensation for their efforts?  Being passionate may help you stay the course when doubt creeps in, but that may just make you stay in a bad positions longer than you should!  It does not set you up for success.

 

In fact, in the current environment, many people who are following the above concepts are actually losing their jobs and closing their businesses.  No success there.

 

So why do so many people say that these are the rules for success?  They don't know any better.  When you ask the people who are successful why they are that way, they say that they work hard, are passionate, always try to be the best and do what they love.  That's great, but it's not why they are successful!  They also have two lungs and breath air,  That doesn't mean that if you have two lungs and breath air that you'll be successful. 

 

The millions who have failed don't write books!  If you asked these people how they went about their businesses/careers, they will tell you that they worked really hard, were passionate, did what they loved and tried to be the best - AND THEY FAILED!   Does that mean that the successful people don't know why they are successful?  YES!  Most have no idea.  That's why most of their books are either inspirational or useless.  It is very rare to find one that actually tells you real secrets.  Well, this post will tell you the requirements for success!

 

1 - Be good at what you do.  NOT the best, it's not required.  If you are the best it will help, but you MUST NOT spend ALL of your time on being the best.  You will still get fired!  You will still lose customers!  Your odds of success will go down if you do not spend your time on other endeavors. Get good, slowly improve and move on to other aspects.  That sets you up for success.

 

2 - Change your peer group. This is very hard to do!  Get yourself around the people who you need to be successful.  Whether that's new types of customers, managers, business leaders, politicians, bankers, thinkers or even friends.  Get into new and more powerful circles.  Like it or not, relationships matter.  The old adage of "It's not what you know, but who you know." is semi true.  A more accurate axiom is "It's not who you know, but who knows you."  Who will take your phone call?  That is critical!  Having a valuable "rolodex" sets you up for success.

 

3 - Have a business/career model that is open to positive strokes of luck.  This may seem odd, but LUCK is the one aspect almost never touched on when it comes to success.  Luck is ALWAYS (NO EXCEPTION) a part of success.  It's sometimes (rarely) a large part, like winning the lottery: but mostly it's a small part, like being at the right place at the right time. Whether big or small, without it, there is NO success.  So, set yourself up to receive positive strokes of it.  You need to physically be around people who can help you get ahead.  Market yourself in arenas that may have opportunities for you.  Take stances on issues that people who need you may see.  Be part of organizations that garner respect.  Comment in a way that encourages responses from the right people.  Be ready to step up when the time comes (do NOT be so committed or so worried that you can't act).  Have the resources to make a big step.  This sets you up for success.

 

If you look at what actually happened to most successful people, this is the formula.

 

Remember that most people fail.  If you follow the advice of most people, the odds of your success are low and you'll probably be a statistic.  Follow NOT what they say, instead follow what actually got them success and your odds will go up.

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

 

Anger Never helps! Oh, yes it does!

With so many people being laid off and so much business at a standstill, lots of people are feeling terrible.  A friend recently joked, “Break even is the new profit!”  Sounds like we are all in trouble and just at the mercy of the market!   While we can’t control the market, we can control how we react. When our lives get tough, we have a few ways of reacting…

 

1 - We can be optimistic, which is the best, but VERY hard when things are so bad.  Hence, this is the least common.  The lack of consumer confidence is a great statistic to validate this.   Some people will actually be annoyed if we are optimistic, because they would rather us wallow in misery with them.  How can we become optimistic? 

 

The first thing to do is gain control of WHATEVER you can in your life.  As author Robert Greene says, “When we feel helpless we feel miserable.”   So, do not feel helpless…control your eating habits, your dressing habits, your social circle, control anything! 

 

The second thing to do is plan.  ANY plan is better than no plan.  In fact, a terrible plan is better than no plan when it comes to feeling in control.   Just sit down and make plans.  Of course, try to make good ones.  Get help only from positive people who either already have plans or are itching to make some.

 

The third thing to do is gain understanding of realistic outcomes, even if they are bad.  You will feel more in control if you can see bankruptcy and plan your way through the mess instead of just thinking the world going to end and believing that nothing you do will allay the damages.  Your imagined damage will usually be far worse.

 

Even though becoming optimistic is obviously the best option, there are problems with this:  It’s hard to follow through with the above steps, it’s hard to face reality, we may have to find fault in ourselves, and many people around us are not supportive.   Therefore, most people will go for option two: Self-pity.

 

2 – We can pity ourselves.  Self pity is really EASY.  We can shift blame onto some one or some thing else.  Great!  We have no responsibility.  Most people will go along with our throwing of blame around, because it’s easy for them too.  We can have large “pity parties” and “commiserate”.  Awesome!

 

The problem here of course is you will avoid responsibility and eventually your world will come crashing down around you: financially, physically and mentally.  As silly as this option sounds, many people will simply let this happen.  The huge amounts of foreclosures without any attempts to reconcile or negotiate are great stats to validate this.  They just closed their eyes to reality because it was so hard to view. 

 

Most people think these are the only options.  Nope!  There is a third.   If you have trouble staying optimistic, if you can’t seem to gain control, if your plans seem to be erratic, if you have so many around you who are not positive, GET ANGRY!   

 

3 - Yes, we can get angry.  As Emperor Palpatine, from the Star Wars movies said, “Give in to your anger; it gives you focus.”  It sure does!  You can still shift blame onto someone or something, but now be pissed.   Instead of poor me, now it’s damn that… (economy, boss, client, prospect, company, government, etc...)  

 

Now you can focus on getting back at whichever enemy you’ve blamed.  You can focus on getting an even better job, finding another client, surviving this downturn and starting a stronger company.  You’ll show that son of a #$%@ who you really are.  This yearning for validation and/or revenge can actually focus you enough to start planning.   That means you may even set goals and picture positive outcomes (the showing up of your enemies).  Hence you can gain control and actually shift into optimism.  Or at a minimum, you have a much better chance of getting out of your negative circumstances, when compared to self pity.

 

Is the moral here, to get angry?  NO.  It’s that ANYTHING, even anger, is better than self pity. Self pity is the killer and must be avoided at all costs.  Dreaming of punishing imaginary enemies is better than wallowing in a delusional world of “if only things were better.” 

 

Not only must you not fall into self pity, you must stay away from others who are in self pity mode.  Again, it’s best to be around optimistic people, but if you can’t, it’s better to be around angry people.  You can all plot your revenge together!

 

Everyone knows that we are supposed to be optimistic.  Duh!  Every cheesy new book, self righteous talk show host and new age self-help guru tells us this.  But we are all imperfect human beings full of emotions.  So, often it’s just not that easy.   How many of us can remain optimistic when our livelihood, our life style and/or even our families are in peril?  If you can, great!  Most of us have a really hard time.  Even so, it is still critical to stay far away from self pity.  And as crazy as it may sound, anger is a good temporary refuge. 

 

Good luck!

 

 

Larry

Hard work is more important than ever. No it isn’t!

With so many people worried about losing their job or trying desperately to get a new one, hard work is critical, right?  Wrong.  Being a hard worker is a good trait, but not critical to successfully keeping your job or getting a new one. 

 

The reality is lots of people work very hard and still fail, while lots of people work very hard and succeed.  At the same time some people work rather lightly succeed, while others work lightly and get no where.  So what’s the answer? 

 

If you are an employee:

 

Probably everyone knows of someone who worked very hard for a company but was still laid off.  The thing to remember is that companies/managers DO NOT CARE how hard you work or have worked.  They will still lay you off.  They care what you can provide for them in the future.  So, for you to keep your job you need to look like you have FUTURE value to include items like:

           

• Seem to do as much of your boss’s job as is realistically possible:
  • As long as you are careful not to look like a usurper, the more of your boss’s job you do, the more he/she will have to do if you are let go!
• Do NOT seem to be working to hard – just seem busy:
  • If you are working hard that means you will either leave or will soon be asking for help.  Either way they can’t give you more work in the future - bad.  If you are just busy, that’s good and valuable, and they may think they can give you more responsibility in the future.
• Take managerial control over as many areas/personnel as you can:
  • The more people that you manage, the more SOMEONE ELSE (perhaps your boss) will have to manage if you are let go.  In addition, if it looks like you are managing well, they would be better served to fire another manager and put his people under you.
• Have people report to you (paper trail):
  • This part is critical – this let’s everyone know that you are busy and important.  Have paper/e-mail coming to you and going from you to your seniors constantly! This paper trail should have benchmarks that have been and that will be achieved for as many projects as possible.

 

If you are a sales rep:

 

We’ve all heard of reps that have lost clients because of shrinking budgets.  Just because you work hard for your client/prospect doesn’t mean that they say yes or give you repeat business.  Working hard just means that you’ll have no time for family and friends, but it doesn’t guarantee more sales or that you’ll keep your job. Here are some good ideas:

 

• Niching now is even more important:
  • More time in less industries/sectors means you are most efficient.  As long as these sectors aren’t completely destroyed, you’ll be positioned to get whatever business there is, since many others will be running all over the place.
• Confidence is effective:
  • Acting like things are not so bad (whether they are or not) is critical!  In addition, it should seem like your product or service is exactly what they need now.  When prospects are worried or scared, your confidence is the absolute best antidote.  If you seem worried or hesitant, your odds of closing go into the toilet.
• Constant reports with $ values and good pipeline:
  • This is similar to the paper trail concept above.  When managers have to decide who to boot and most are performing just at par (or worse), they are more apt to keep the rep that has an OBVIOUS plan for the future.  Lots of reports with dollar values help tremendously.
• Staying in front of clients:
  • This makes them feel like they are part of your team.  In addition, you are set up to receive referrals, and any up sell business.  More importantly, they often know who is hiring!  It may even be them.  Many sales reps are hired by their former clients.

 

If you are an owner/entrepreneur:

 

Times are tough for many of us and most owners/entrepreneurs have felt the pinch.  Working hard means that you’ll hardly be home, but it doesn’t mean that you’ll keep your business running.   In fact, you may become obsessed and other relationships may suffer.  No good.  Here’s a better answer:

 

• No one should ever see you worried:
  • Clients will think that you can no longer deliver, prospects will think that you about to go under (no new business), vendors will start asking for money earlier and your employees will be a mess (inefficient because of worry) and you best talent may leave.
• Market as if:
  • Still market like your product or service is the answer!  So many others will cut their budget and your target market will notice.  You are positioned to get any business that is there and you will be far ahead in the market confidence game when the economy turns.
• Should seem magical – no complaining:
  • You should NOT seem to be struggling.  It should seem like you can handle anything and that you were ready for this – even if you weren’t.  So if you are working hard, let it seem like you are having fun.
• Talk about past successes as if they are still current:
  • Keep everyone reminded of what great things have happened and speak like they are still happening, such as client success stories and client acquisitions.  In addition, speak about how great the future is.  This will get as many people as possible (both clients and employees) to stay positive.  Clients will pass on referrals and employees will still perform well.

 

The most important thing is to NOT seem to be working hard, but to seem busy and effective - in the best interest of those you want to impress.  Perception is EVERYTHING.  Even if you are working hard or being efficient and effective, if it doesn’t LOOK that way, you will probably still fail.  We all need people to act (or NOT act) for us to be successful.

 

Understanding this and ensuring that those people see what they want to see, will increase your odds of success in whatever you endeavor you are in.

 

 

“Make your accomplishments seem effortless”

 - Robert Greene, 48 Laws of Power

 

"The performance of the expert seems relaxed. The actions of trained people do not seem rushed. "
- Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of 5 Rings

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

 

Tis the Season of...Pain?!

Yes, many of us know that this is a season of both joy and pain.  With the economy the way it is, there will probably be more pain than usual.  So when we hear someone talk of their pain, we should obviously tell them to count their blessings and look at the good things they have, right?  NOPE!  That often makes things worse.  What we should do is…

 

First acknowledge their pain.  Whether or not we feel that their pain is valid or taken out of proportion, it doesn’t matter.  To them it’s real pain.  In fact, whatever pain you have, someone thinks it’s minor, but to you it’s major. 

 

DISCLAIMER - THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT CLAIM TO CURE DEPRESSION OR ANY OTHER MENTAL CONDITION. NOR DOES IT CLAIM TO TAKE THE PLACE OF A COMPETENT MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. THIS IS TO SHOW THE READER HOW TO HANDLE THE OFTEN AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS THAT BEGIN WITH HEARING SOMEONE’S PAIN/PROBLEMS. 

 

If you do not acknowledge the pain and just start with the common, “Come on, look on the bright side, you have…..”  Or worse, “Hey!  Some people have it worse because…” You probably have done several bad things: 

 

1. You’ve just invalidated the person’s feelings.
2. You’ve shown them that you don’t “get them” and therefore you’ve broken rapport.
3. If you are close to the person, now they feel stupid or selfish for having their worries.  If they are depressed, now it’s worse.
4. If the person was trying to confide in you, they may never try it again and you may have limited a potentially close relationship.

 

Well done!?

 

So, acknowledge the pain and then DO NOT try and fix it or make it better.  Just ask a question about it.  This shows that you hear them and that you are interested.

 

Example:

 

Friend: “Wow!  This year has been really tough.  I don’t know how I’m gonna make it next year.”

 

You (BAD):                 “Cheer up.  At least you got your health.  Bob Jones lost his job and he had to check into rehab!”

 

You (GOOD): Yeah.  That sucks.  What are you thinking about doing?

 

This will not magically make them better, but they will feel like you are “with” them.  They probably will not button up and may even vent some more.

 

Once they talk, listen and nod a lot (say, “uh-huh” often, if you are on the phone) until they are done.  If possible, tell them about another person who has a similar problem/concern AND who is ALSO WORRIED.

 

Example:

 

Friend:  “I’m not sure.  I may need to change careers.  My resume isn’t up to speed yet.” Etc…

 

You: (BAD):  “You know Bill Smith decide to go back to school.  That’s your answer.  You should just go back to school like Bill.”

            Again you’ve invalidated his feelings and his problems.

 

You: (GOOD):  “Uh-huh.  You know Bill Smith lost his job too.  He’s worried just like you.  He was telling me about some of his friends who feel the same way too.”

            This broadens the blow so he may not take it so personally and validates his feelings.

 

Then ask if he needs any assistance with something.  You may even offer some if you see an obvious way.  This should NOT be assumed or forced.  It must be an option for him to deny if he wants to.  It is the thought here that matters more than the actual help.  Of course, make the offer real in case he does want it!

 

Example:

 

Friend:            I don’t know.  Maybe I should just look into becoming a cupcake squiggle inspector.

 

You: (BAD):  I’ll have you meet with Jane Johnson.  She’s a cupcake squiggle Inspector recruiter.  I’ll call her and set a meeting on Monday.  Also, you should call my brother.  He was one out of college.  I’ll have him call you tomorrow.

            He may just be venting, he may not want help, he may just be upset and grasping at straws!

 

You: (GOOD):  OK.  Well, if you want, I know some people in the industry.

            Let him decide if he wants your help.

 

If he doesn’t want your assistance, leave it alone and move on to another subject.  You are NOT doing him a favor by trying to solve his problem.  Things will just become awkward. 

 

Tell a positive story about someone else - not you or him.  It could be anything, just positive and try to move on.

 

So remember:

 

Acknowledge

Ask

Nod

Broaden the Blow

Offer

Nice Story

Move on!

 

Good luck!

 

Larry

Evolution, Creationism or Intelligent Design? No Facts!

Evolution, Creationism or Intelligent Design?  No Facts!

 

How did humans get here?  More importantly, how many people do you know (maybe even you) who very strongly subscribe to a specific answer?  You’d be surprised how most people have come to their conclusion.

 

DISCLAIMER - THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT TAKE A STANCE ON ANY ANSWER TO THE ORIGIN OF HUMANITY. THIS IS TO SHOW HOW PEOPLE OFTEN SUBSCRIBE TO OPINIONS/BELIEFS AND HOW WE CAN ADJUST OUR TACTICS TO INFLUENCE THEM IN OUR EVERYDAY LIVES.

 

If you were to ask three separate groups of 10 people who respectively subscribe to evolution, creationism and intelligent design, “How do you know that this is the answer?”  Most would say something like, “It just makes sense.”

 

If you went deeper and asked (respectively):

 

            “Have you checked the fossil records?”

            “Do you know the entire story of Genesis?”

            “Have you seen the most recent literature?”

 

Nine out of ten would have to answer, “No.”

 

So, regardless of the stance on the issue and regardless of how passionate the person is on the subject, they don’t actually have the facts!   While this may seem odd or silly, it’s actually common.  Most people select stances on any given topic NOT by the facts but by two different influence ideas:  Authority and Social Proof.

 

Authority – We are influenced by people that we believe are in a position of authority.

 

When we see people that WE BELIEVE are powerful, smart or popular making statements, we have a tendency to believe them, even if we don’t know the facts.

 

Example 1:  A special on Discovery Channel has a scientist that has been on TV many times and talks about the fossil records.  He could be an actor and he could be lying, or he could be a real scientist and telling the truth. It doesn’t matter – if YOU respect him, you will probably be moved by his presentation and it will affect your beliefs.

 

Example 2:  A popular televangelist is on a panel and debates/explains how Genesis relates to history.  Again, he could be a fraud and have the facts wrong, or he could be a true theologian and have all the facts right on.  It doesn’t matter – if YOU respect him, this will help shape your beliefs. 

 

In both imaginary cases, you personally don’t know all of the facts, but may have a very strong view.

 

Social Proof – We are influenced by our peer group or groups we feel an affinity for.

 

When we see people who are “just like us” or people that we want to be associated with, think a certain way, we are more likely to follow in their thought process.

 

Example 1:  Close friends/family often make negative comments about “bible thumpers” and take serious stances on the “family tree of nature” and our common ancestors.  If this is your peer group, it will help form your beliefs, even if they have no idea what they are talking about.

 

Example 2:  Co-workers, that you spend a lot of social time with, have a very low opinion of “non- (insert religious group here)” and are very adamant about getting creationism taught in schools.   If these are your peers, they will probably affect your beliefs, even if they don’t have any data.

 

Again, in both imaginary cases, you don’t have all the facts, but may have a hardcore belief.

 

We will even hold views DIRECTLY AGAINST the facts.

 

Example 1:  You see consumer data that shows that product X is better, faster and cheaper than product Y.  You see a report on the news that validates this data.  While shopping, several sales reps agree with the data, as do some customers that you run into.  But, your close friend has product Y and says it’s great and that product X sucks.  If you respect your friend, that ONE piece of data may have a huge impact on you and may cause you to hesitate or even to buy product Y against all the facts. 

 

Example 2:  A politician has a very poor record in your view.  He supports policies in direct opposition to your values and has actually helped enact initiatives that have negatively impacted you personally.  But, he is part of YOUR party.  If you strongly identify with the PARTY, you will probably support him, even though it’s not in your best political interests.  The odds are also much better that you’ll believe him, even if he has lied in the past.

 

So, how does this affect us?  Well, not only is someone’s religious belief system influenced this way, but so is their belief system regarding your product, service, idea or deal!

 

We spend a lot of time trying to get out all the facts in our sales/influence process, but this isn’t all that critical.  We need to use Social Proof and Authority in our process.

 

It may be more effective to show your target how others are using your idea and avoid detailed facts until they are asked for.  These “others” can be those that the target respects (Authority) or those that the target feels are in his peer group (Social Proof).  It’s best if you can show both.

 

Bad example: 

 

You:   See Bob, with this deal you get the GinZoid 5000 with new EverJunk technology.  And it is compatible with Flink 2.0.

 

Target:  ZZZZZZZZZZ….

 

Good example:

 

You:   Bob, this is the same deal that Phil over at ACME is doing.  Not just that, but your mentor Jane at XYZ has also come aboard.

 

Target:  Really, Phil and Jane are doing this?  Tell me more.

 

While facts have their place, let’s not get bogged down with them and try to impress. 

 

Many times people think that facts can be manipulated or that your facts are just claims that can’t be proved.  It may be hard to get around this if your trust level is low due to the targets previous experiences.

 

Therefore, Social Proof and Authority are often far more effective in getting the YES.

 

Good luck!

 

Larry